Diaries of a Domestic Misfit

"Top Vatican Exorcist Says Yoga is From Satan". <----Help me. I'm melting!

Tue, 29 Nov 2011 19:52:00 -0500

Article is here and here. Interesting that Father Gabriele Amorth, who for years was the Vatican’s chief exorcist, cites Hinduism as the reason for yoga being satanic because as a religion Hinduism is far older than the Catholic church. I don’t even think that Satan as a documented “being” was yet established at the time yoga was developed. Right? According to the all-knowing-God-like Wikipedia:

During its early history, Christianity grew from a 1st century Jewish following to a religion that existed across the entire Greco-Roman world and beyond. Catholic doctrine teaches that the Roman Catholic Church was founded by Jesus Christ at the Confession of Peter. The oldest surviving Hebrew Bible manuscripts, which first mentions Satan or Lucifer, date to about the 2nd century BCE. The oldest record of the complete text survives in a Greek translation called the Septuagint, dating to the 4th century CE and the oldest extant manuscripts of the vocalized Masoretic text upon which modern editions are based date to the 9th century CE. The earliest evidence for prehistoric religion in India date back to the late Neolithic in the early Harappan period (5500–2600 BCE). The beliefs and practices of the pre-classical era (1500–500 BCE) are called the “historical Vedic religion”. The Vedic religion shows influence by Proto-Indo-European religion. Modern Hinduism grew out of the Vedas, the oldest of which is the Rigveda, dated to 1700–1100 BCE.

In contrast to Christianity and Islam, Hinduism does not recognize any central evil force or entity such as the Devil opposing God and man. Though, Hinduism does recognize that different beings and entities can perform evil acts, under the temporary dominance of the guna of tamas, and cause worldly sufferings. The Rajasic and Tamasic Gunas of Maya are considered especially close to the Abrahamic concept, the hellish parts of the Ultimate Delusion called “Prakriti”. An embodiment of this is the concept of Advaita (non-dualism) where there is no good or evil but simply different levels of realization.

The Vedic Samhitas contain references to ascetics, while ascetic practices (“tapas”) are referenced in the Brāhmaṇas (900 to 500 BCE), early commentaries on the Vedas. The more technical linguistic sense of the term “yoga”, describing a system of meditation or contemplation with the aim of the cessation of mental activity and the attaining of a “supreme state” arises with early Buddhism. In Hindu scripture, this sense of the term “yoga” first appears in the middle Upanishads, such as the Katha Upanishad (ca. 400 BCE). Shvetashvatara Upanishad mentions, “When earth, water, fire, air and akasa arise, when the five attributes of the elements, mentioned in the books on yoga, become manifest then the yogi’s body becomes purified by the fire of yoga and he is free from illness, old age and death.” (Verse 2.12).

As for being satanic?: the “precursors of perfection in yoga” are namely lightness and healthiness of the body, absence of desire, clear complexion, pleasantness of voice, sweet odour and slight excretions.

The eight-limbed concept of yoga derived from the 29th Sutra of the 2nd book, and is a core characteristic of practically every Raja yoga variation taught today. The Eight Limbs include:

Yama (The five “abstentions”): non-violence, non-lying, non-covetousness, non-sensuality, and non-possessiveness. <———SUPER SATANIC!

Niyama (The five “observances”): purity, contentment, austerity, study, and surrender to god. <——HELP!!! I’M MELTING!

The Bhagavad Gita also mentions three types of yoga:

Karma yoga: The yoga of action.

Bhakti yoga: The yoga of devotion.

Jnana yoga: The yoga of knowledge.

Wow. So how can yoga be evil and satanic when Satan technically wasn’t invented yet? According to the second article listed above, in 1999 a document “warned Roman Catholics of the dangers of yoga, Zen, transcendental meditation and other ‘eastern’ practises….they could degenerate into a cult of the body that debases Christian prayer….yoga poses could create a feeling of well-being in the body but it was erroneous to confuse that with the authentic consolations of the Holy Spirit.”

Whoa.

(disclaimer: this article was written whilst being interrupted every two minutes by two separate children. So really- every minute. It has typos and I could have quoted it better. But my kids want dinner. If you’re a little confused while reading this post, so am I. However, it would be absolutely satanic for me to not make dinner and instead continue correcting typos and refining points.)

Stop the insanity.

Tue, 29 Nov 2011 01:03:51 -0500

I feel like I’m slowing drowning. My son is five and recently started school. My daughter is three going on sixteen. My husband started his MBA classes this month. Another two years of school and loans. I still haven’t put photos in the picture frames I hung two years ago.

TWO YEARS AGO.

Every time I look at those frames I get the same flip-flop feeling in my stomach and I hear the same internal self talk I’ve been hearing for years now:

“You better start doing something with your life. Find a cause to devote yourself to. Start a journal before you forget these memories. They’re only young once. Organize your photos for crying out loud! Start exercising before it’s too late. Eat better so you can stick around longer. Stop getting so tied up in politics because it only makes you angry. The countdown is on: you’ve got T minus a fleeting number that’s getting shorter each day your alive before you turn 40. FORTY. Who turns forty? That shit’s only supposed to happen to parents, right? Oh, wait…*I’m* a parent now, too. Yikes. Why are we all here, anyway? What IS all this bizarre matter and consciousness we call the universe? Why do bad things happen to good people? Does any of this really matter anyway? And also? Lest you forget: you need to simplify, simplify, simplify. If you hadn’t failed home ec in high school you might be able to cook without burning something every time. If only you hadn’t skipped so much class! You need to make a menu plan like these other moms who have it together. You need to get on top of this saving money thing like other moms who have it together. You need to, you need to, you need to fill in the blank here like other moms who have it together.”

Sigh.

I need to meditate for a bit.

Then I need to put some photos in those frames.

Things I May or May Not Have Done Upon Leaving the Mormon Church...

Tue, 29 Nov 2011 01:01:33 -0500

1. You decide to buy a bible. A new one. You go to Barnes and Noble and stand there for TWO HOURS trying to decide which version to buy. You nonchalantly pretend to check your cell phone as people walk by. Because you really haven’t been standing here for TWO HOURS in this narrow aisle. You like the hot pink one “for women of faith” but you think you should probably buy the one “for mothers in this busy day”. Because technically you don’t have any faith right now so you really shouldn’t buy the hot pink bible “for women of faith”. Because you are a mother who wants to develop faith. And you’re busy in this busy day. But oh, how you love that hot pink one for “women of faith”. In the end, you buy the Lee Strobel Case for Christ study bible because it looks really scientific and official. Then you get home and realize it’s a big, clunky hardcover and you should totally have bought the hot pink one because it would have been way easier to read.

2. You pull up the Faith and Spirituality section on Netflix’s watch instantly. You have the best intentions of actually learning something and developing some new faith on a new religious endeavor. But soon you find yourself watching “Yanni Live”. And making swooshing hand movements as you watch. And flipping and whipping your hair back and forth like Yanni and that Willow Smith chic. And liking it.

3. You go back to Barnes and Noble, deciding that you can’t just have ONE bible. You need EVERY bible. From every religion. You leave with 17 books costing…a lot. You don’t tell your husband where all these new books came from or how much they cost. You also don’t tell him you previously rented 29 books from the library about religion and forgot to return them. And have a large fine. Upon getting home you lay all 17 books out on your bed stepping over the 29 you have yet to return to the library. OR READ, for that matter. You decide to start with the I Ching which has an artistic looking ying and yang symbol on the cover.

4. Since you’re reading the I Ching you decide you’d better start meditating. Don’t they go hand in hand?

5. You read up on meditating. And here’s where people who leave the Mormon church go ape wild. Because they google “Buddhist monks” and BAM. POW! A plethora of articles about the Olympian mental powers of Buddhist monks shows up on your search. You start with Wikipedia, naturally, since it comes up first which means it’s THE authority on things like Buddhist monks.

6. You realize Buddhist monks can do amazing things. Like have freezing water poured on them as they mentally keep their body temperature WAY higher than normal to counteract the freezing. As their brains are tracked by EEGs you read that they are exerting far more brain waves than normal people should. You immediately wish you were a Buddhist monk. You put a book about Buddhist monks on your Amazon wish list. And The Intention Experiment by Lynne McTaggart pops up under “we think you’d like this book” which was written about in that third installment of Dan Brown’s Da Vinci Code trilogy. You buy it, remembering that the lady in that book could do really cool things when she focused her thoughts.

7. You receive the book in the mail. You don’t ever get past the fifth chapter but you get the point. In fact, your kids keep you hopping and life is so hectic so you don’t actually read ANY of the books you bought. But you had good intentions and it’s the thought that counts. You focus your thoughts the way you learned how to in the first five chapters of The Intention Experiment - willing the 17 + 29 unread spiritual books in your bedroom to filter into your brain via osmosis. Or maybe it’s reverse osmosis. You don’t remember what it’s called since you skipped that day of chemistry. No matter - you feel smarter each morning after doing this which is a telltale sign its working.

8. You decide you should have bought a kindle instead of all those books because you actually haven’t read old fashioned books in a long time. You always read everything on a computer screen. You wonder why you didn’t think of this. DUH.

9. Determined to get your money’s worth you decide to read at least ONE of the 17 + 29 books you bought/rented from cover to cover. You hem and haw and finally choose “Ancient Egypt” which was actually a book you’ve owned for years and not one of the 17 you bought or 29 you rented from the library. Regardless of this minor fact, if an EEG was hooked up to your brain in this moment it would be overloaded. Because these ancient people knew something. You google “pyramids” and…it happens: you find yourself reading about nothing but the pyramids for weeks and weeks online. You skip a shower for the first time in years because for once in your life you are too busy to shower because you are busy reading about the pyramids - full of purpose and direction in your life. And this is some heavy @#$! so it’s totally worth skipping a shower over. You soon become convinced they are not from humans. Or maybe they are. But one thing is certain – you know they are not dated correctly. Now you need a book on carbon dating because you become fascinated by it. Trust me - I know. After several months of researching the Egyptians, carbon dating, and other random ancient people you come to the conclusion that they could move big rocks with their Buddhist monkish mental powers and built these megalithic structures with their minds. You gasp as you conclude that Enoch must have built the pyramids using magnetic energy and his brain waves to lift the megalithic rocks! After all, it’s the only logical explanation and you’ve been researching this stuff for SOME TIME. Three months, even. And wasn’t he taken up in a stream of light? Or maybe a scroll. He was taken up, anyhow, and probably in a lotus pose. You make a mental note to perfect your lotus pose the next time you meditate. You ponder over aliens and angels and that Nicholas Cage movie, Knowing.

10. Your research sends you on a rabbit trail. Soon you are an expert on the Squatter man, Astrology, megalithic structures, sunspot activity, galactic alignment, the Egyptians, Aztecs, Piri Reis maps and the Mayan calendar. Oh, and Antarctica to boot!

11. After putting together all your academic research you come to the very logical conclusion that Atlantis is actually Antarctica. Hidden, I mean, under all that ice. You know from your careful studies that once upon a time it wasn’t cold in Antarctica/Atlantis and ancient smart people lived there and knew way more than we do today. You realize Antarctica holds all the secrets of the Earth and you can’t understand for the life of you why scientists aren’t ALL OVER THIS DEVELOPMENT.

12. You decide you need to take a minute to fill your husband in on this Atlantis/Antarctica thing because this is way cool. Why this stuff isn’t in the history books is beyond your comprehension. And you also need to tell him that in 2012 the magnetic poles will shift. It’s a minor point compared to Atlantis/Antarctica but he still needs to know about it. And that you’d better start planning a bunker of some sort. You make a blueprint of ways you will fortify your house and basement and a master list of survival items. Your kids will still be young, so you’ll need to include lots of toys to keep them from going stir crazy. You tell him you can’t help him with the heavy work on the bunker but that you’ve solved the grand mystery of how to continue drinking your daily coffee whilst in the bunker, since you drink coffee these days: You’ll buy powdered milk and stock up with a year’s supply of flavored syrup! You could swear you heard a majestic “AHHHHHH” as you told him about the powdered milk.

13. Your husband listens as you tell him earnestly about Atlantis/Antarctica and your plan on how to survive 2012. You don’t think he heard the same majestic “AHHHHH” you did but he does nod and widen his eyes as you speak. Surely that wasn’t a look of amusement on his face, no! It was most certainly the look of utter adoration for your troubles and all your research! Soon after, you notice him letting you sleep in each day and asking gently here and there if you think you might be depressed. Or something. LOL. As if! Over the next several months he buys you several massage gift certificates and plans a few relaxation retreats for you. So now in addition to all this free knowledge about the ancient smart people you get massages. BONUS!

14. You continue your adamant research and excitedly write to NASA. You get an answer from one of their Astro Physicists (Who write back! How cool is that?!) and you’re pleasantly surprised that you probably DON’T have to worry about using powdered milk in your daily coffee whilst in your 2012 bunker because they really don’t think this 2012 thing is going down after all. The NASA Astro Physicist basically tells you not to worry because these Mayans had more Puntums after the Buktins or whatever their calendar measurements were called. Some random ancient Mayan dude even calculated his calendar reign out to 4137 AD or some such nonsense! So surely time can’t stop, the NASA Astro Physicist informs you, confidently.

15. Convinced there is something still intertwined with these ancient people and creation stories you buy The Math Book by Clifford Pickover. You discover something called the Fibonacci sequence which is found all throughout nature. It’s even the shape of your ear. WOW. “Hear me”, this creator is shouting at you, quite literally. You don’t quite know what he’s saying but hey – that’s okay. The ancient people did and you’re reading about them via reverse osmosis. Same difference.